Guest Post: Anna Celotto

Back in November, I came across The Feral Housewife newsletter and not only have I read some great articles I got to add another woman and writer to my community. We are working together to break the stigma of mental health issues. Please read this very informative article on how we sabotage self-care.

15 Ways Women Sabotage Self-Care

Stop sabotaging your self-care routine

Hey ladies, does the following quote strike a chord for you, as it did for me?

This statement made me wonder.

Am I recharging my internal battery so I’m ready for the next day?

I NEVER go to bed without plugging in all my devices because I NEED them for the next day. No juice = no go.

 

What about you?

• Do you spend more time charging everyone else’s batteries only to save your own for last?
• At the end of the week are you overwhelmed, burnt-out, and frustrated because you didn’t have time for yourself?

Everyone touts the importance of rest and relaxation, but we’ve forgotten the how part.

Or maybe you’re still not refreshed after a little R&R.

Why?

Could you be sabotaging your self-care?

Use this list as a mini guide to pinpoint areas of improvement.

15 Ways Women Sabotage Self-Care

(1) You’re not addressing all 6 areas of wellness.

Sometimes we think spending a day at the spa is the epitome of self-care. While that sounds fantastic, if it’s the only way you do self-care, you’re shortchanging yourself.

There are 6 important areas of wellness that deserve your attention. Use the chart below as a reference. You might find an area you’ve been neglecting.

(2) You’re turning to false or temporary comforts (e.g. tv, shopping, alcohol).

This is a tough one. I’m guilty too! I like to relax with a glass of wine. I binge on chocolate (I have a stash my family is forbidden to touch).

During the pandemic, I did way too much online shopping to soothe my anxiety over the virus and my fear of the future.

I also LOVE to binge on Airbnb and dream about all the vacations I wish I could take but can’t afford.

These temporary comforts are understandable and sometimes useful, as long as you’re controlling them, and not the other way around. Temporary fixes should constitute a TINY part of your self-care routine.

(3) You might not be setting firm boundaries.

This is a critical one! How many times have you said YES when you wanted to say NO? How many times did you promise to take care of yourself only to give that time away to someone else?

I’ve done this so many times, I’ve lost count! As a homeschool mom and housewife, it’s easy to forgo time for myself (until I get absolutely nuts, then watch out world!).

(4) You might be feeling guilty while doing self-care.

Again, guilty as charged. I literally thrive off guilt (it’s an Italian thing!). When I’m finally doing something for myself, I’m ruminating about all the things I should be doing. The to-do list. The dirty house. The laundry. The uncooked meals. The people I said no to. Unfortunately, guilt is the perfect way of defeating the purpose of self-care!

(5) You’re waiting until you’re burnt out.

If you postpone self-care until you’re burnt out, exhausted, and angry how are you supposed to enjoy yourself? If you’re in a depleted state, feeling useless, it will take that much longer to recharge. Think about a dead phone. It takes longer to get a full charge if you start at zero and you can’t use it until it has a decent charge.

(6) You’re not doing it consistently enough.

This is related to #5. If you wait until it’s too late or are too inconsistent with your self-care, then you’re sabotaging yourself. Consistency is key here. Self-care doesn’t happen by accident. It happens with planning and forethought. You plan everything else, right?

(7) You’re not tailoring it to your needs.

When it comes to self-care you need to know yourself and what’s best for recharging your soul. That might look different from your friends or family, and that’s okay. Spend time figuring out what brings you joy. It’s part of the self-care process.

(8) You’re overbooking your schedule.

Self-care isn’t a task you smoosh between two other appointments. It’s not something you rush to or from. If your schedule is chaotic, it’s time for some deep self-analysis. Many of you are working moms. Time and money are scarce. But if you’re scheduling your self-care as another task on an already busy day, you’ll sabotage it.

(9) You’re doom scrolling.

Doom scrolling leads to unhealthy comparisons which rob you of joy and are a giant waste of time. There’s nothing wrong with posting your vacation pics, but social media is a get-in get-out sort of activity. It’s not to be confused with time wisely spent taking care of your mental and emotional health.

(10) You’re not healing your childhood trauma.

This may be the most important item on this list. Most women are carrying baggage either from childhood trauma or failed relationships. Can you imagine taking a beautiful trip lugging heavy luggage around? How much fun would that be? Your emotional baggage is weighing you down, sucking the joy out of life, and you might not even realize it.

(11) You’re not releasing trapped emotions.

This is related to #10 except you don’t have to experience trauma to have trapped emotions. All of us experience a range of emotions throughout life. This is normal. The part that isn’t normal is when we swallow those little ticking time emotional bombs instead of processing them so that we heal. Trapped emotions wreak havoc in the body. Stress-related conditions are the cause of 60-90% of illness!

(12) You’re not going out of your comfort zone.

Do you get stuck in ruts? Tend to stick to what’s easy and familiar? It’s tempting, I know. But adventure could be waiting for you if you just open yourself up to new opportunities. Try something new and different (not crazy and dangerous). You never know what might surprise you and bring you joy.

(13) You’re not reaching out for help.

I’m a big fan of independence and self-sufficiency. However, a girl has to know when it’s the right time to reach out and ask for a helping hand. There’s no shame in including therapy in your self-care routine and please don’t wait until you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown (it’s more difficult to heal that way).

(14) You’re relying too much on others.

This is the opposite of #13. If you’re the type who needs to be the life of the party or are always calling your girlfriends to vent, it might be time to do a little soul-searching for yourself, by yourself.

Don’t wait for your family or social circle to reach out and say, “Hey, you know what you could use right now? Self-care time!”

Self-care is one of those things that needs to be initiated by you. Give yourself permission and don’t wait around for the “perfect” time.

(15) You’re not improving and growing as a person.

Self-care isn’t only about kicking back and taking it easy. It’s also about learning and personal growth. Developing a growth mindset is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself (and your loved ones).

It involves embracing challenges, learning resilience, being open to feedback, and learning how to manage difficult emotions.

You’ll have a much happier and healthier life if you develop strong values and stick to them come what may.

Did anything resonate?

Now it’s your turn.

What will you do (or not do) to recharge your internal battery?

Your first step may simply be sitting quietly with a cup of tea and meditating on what brings you joy and relaxation. Getting to know yourself is the perfect start to self-care!

If you enjoyed this article, please let us know!

In our next article, we will share some practical (and unusual) ways to get self-care right.

You can reach Anna at anna@aferalhousewife.com  Read more at her  Website: aferalhousewife.com

As we near Valentine’s Day here are a few things to think about. This is an excerpt from one of Anna’s newsletters. The topic was loving yourself.

“Mentally acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can. Write down a quick list of the things you like about yourself. Write down the ways you sacrifice, help, and give of yourself. If you have trouble thinking of things, you’re aiming too high.”

Take five minutes and sit with a cup of tea and write some positive things about yourself. I know they are there even if you can’t see them right now.

Don’t forget to breathe!

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